Lost Luxury

The vast size of Forbidden City and Temple of Heaven took my breath away. The intricacy of detail and color and the immensity of the structures (considering they used no nails!) are just incredible. I could only imagine what it would be like to see these places in their glory.

At the same time, it seems like intense luxury with no sentimental value. The young emperors lived in this giant, beautiful palace…alone. They were puppets to the Empress Dowager and were deprived of interaction with other children and the outside world – they deprived of many of the things that create what we consider childhood.

Our guide today talked about the emperor and his concubines – how he was “busy” because there were so many and he would often have to stop before he got through them all. It all struck me as so very empty. All of the women throwing themselves at the emperor in hope that they might bear his child and bring honor to their families, the emperor jumping from concubine to concubine simply out of duty rather than actual enjoyment or desire. Further, the Empress Dowager making decisions behind a screen in order to bestow power on the emperor and still get her way, the eunuchs, serving the emperor castrated so that he could be the only man in the palace, the emperor not even eating more than three bites of each meal so that no one could poison him.

I know that the ritual and honor of it all and the collectivist way of life is all part of the Chinese culture, but I can’t ignore the emptiness of it all. I feel that I would be lost in the endless luxury – luxury that hardly seems like it was ever actually enjoyed. It seems it would often be more of a burden than an honor and that the true glory of the buildings and the way of life would be lost.

As I write this, though, I am wondering if I am getting everything out of these paces as I could be due to the rush and the crowds. I feel that I miss a lot and cannot simply take everything in that would like to. Perhaps I was disillusioned going in – expecting something great and full of revelation. I keep hoping all of these things will culminate to one great, deeper meaning. The hope makes it seem as if I am over analyzing what I am seeing while I search for meaning. I’m not sure what the real answer is.