When Leadership Pays Off

 “Leadership is an affair of the heart: Highest performing leaders demonstrate affection and caring for their followers. Great leaders also love their work.” --Jim Kouzes and Barry Ponser’s “The Truth about Leadership” as presented by Terry Riedinger.

Incorruptible opened today.

I was so nervous and unconfident when I woke up this morning that I almost threw up. I’ve never been so nervous for an opening. It wasn’t that I didn’t think my team was prepared – I didn’t feel that I was prepared. I didn’t feel that I could handle running the show.

But worrying about it and telling myself I wouldn’t be able to do it wasn’t getting me anywhere.

So I took the afternoon to relax, review, my cues, and let my stress go.

And it worked.

Call was at 6:30pm. Dave had added a few sound cues to cover transitions, so I got my light and sound operators together to run through them. When I was confident and they were comfortable with the changes, we moved to fight call. The actors ran through their fights successfully.

House opened at 7:00pm.

There was such a rush at the box office that we had to hold the house for almost fifteen minutes.

The audience was incredible – they loved the show. They laughed at the jokes and even cheered for Jack’s pitiful jester’s routine.

By the time the show was over, I had no doubt that we had created the best show we could create.

I am so incredibly proud of my cast and my crew – all of their hard work and dedication paid off in the end. All of my stress and long hours were worth it and I wouldn’t change it for the world. That feeling of pure joy and pride in what we accomplished as a production team is why I love my job. Knowing that I was able to facilitate the success of my cast and crew is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Moments like that are all I need to feel fulfilled and successful.

On Stress and Coping: Knowing What You Can Change…And Acting On It.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking…this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that…all things [will be made] right if I surrender to [fate]; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy…forever in the next. Amen.”

 --Reinhold Niebuhr, the Serenity Prayer

“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing that you are a child of the earth. Let this presence settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.” -- St. Theresa’s Prayer

It seems strange that a non-religious, never-been-alcoholic college kid might chose these two verses to focus on, but this week was extremely hard; harder than normal, and I was in need of a mantra.

It was as if every group was relying on my time in order to complete their tasks; every group expected to be my top priority.

I am only one person, and I only have so much time. I cannot do or be a part of everything, no matter how hard I try. This week, I had no choice but to accept that fact.

But how do I make everyone else accept that, too? As a leader, if I cannot give my teams what they need to be successful, I have failed them. Or at least that’s how it seems.

This in mind, how does a leader decide where to first focus attention? The very people who tried to remind me that I couldn’t do everything also expected that the one thing I would choose would be their cause. How does a leader decide which is the actual priority?

Roberts Fellows – I am expected to read and reflect to prepare for a 3 hour intensive discussion class, plus a service project requiring organization, brainstorming, marketing, and time to meet and discuss. If I do not follow through with my commitments to the Roberts Fellows, I am letting myself down a long with every person in the class, every instructor, and Donna Roberts herself.

Incorruptible -  My time was required perfect sound for an inexperienced sound designer, lights for a designer with far too many commitments, props for a designer who didn’t care enough about the show, paperwork to keep everyone informed, and rehearsals to run, track and organize. When I don’t complete my job, other people don’t complete their jobs either.

Class – attendance, participation, plus extra time for reading, homework, and projects. If I don’t succeed and do well, I lose the scholarships and opportunities that brought me to Saginaw Valley. Study abroad opportunities – requiring fundraising, writing for scholarships, and time for communication. Work – called in because the other employees are overbooked, needing my expertise for technical theatre.

I spent a week scraping by with the time that I had and the unmanageable work load. I spent a week barely eating, barely sleeping. I spent a week without leisure time, without human connections – simply half hearted attempts to work and be productive. I spent a week stressed, starving, dehydrated, and on the verge of tears. Now how is that any way for a leader, or a person in general, to live and work and be successful?

It’s true that I cannot do everything. It’s true that I can’t lead, live, or succeed on my own. It’s true that I need to focus in on what is immediately requiring my attention. It’s true that worrying and stressing about the demands of my life does not help solve or accomplish anything. All of these things are true. But it is also true that my simple recognition of these truths accomplishes nothing.

Either I need to change the expectations that I am held to or I need to change the way that I live up to these expectations – and I am not sure that I have figured out how to do that. I got through my week from hell and I am very slowly getting back on track, but I know it will begin again with the next show, the next chapter, the next step in our service project. Returning to my previous entry, it’s my short term plans getting in the way over and over again, and I haven’t figured out the balance. I know what I need to do, but I don’t know how to do it.

This is something that I need to figure out and work on before it’s too late.

My edited plan for the future: BALNCE to PREVENT tunnel vision, the need for blinders, and stress. 

Anti-Tunnel Vision

Today: Registration day. This registration put a lot in to perspective for me. I only have two semesters left; two more registration days. And then I have to figure out what’s next. That’s kind of a scary thought.

I sat down after registration and planned out my classes through winter of 2013. But that’s the easy part. Classes are the easy part. Classes are defined; scheduled; required. They fill in blanks to push me forward to where I need to be.

Once the classes end, it’s time to take the next step.

I’ve always had a plan. I want to stage manage – for the Cirque du Soleil, to be specific. To get there, I need more experience – I need to perfect my technique as a stage manager.  I want to complete the apprenticeship with the Purple Rose Theatre Company and attend graduate school at the University of California, San Diego and work with Lisa Porter. Eventually, I’d like to work as a stage management intern with Cirque du Soleil and move on to a permanent position. I’ve also recently been considering working with Cirque’s social work partnership, Cirque du Monde.

Looking at these intermediate and long-term plans, it seems that I am well prepared and focused on where I am going. But thinking about “the next steps” has made me consider what I really need to be doing to prepare. I come home at night and make checklists of things that I need to complete: things like homework and laundry and paperwork for my shows. But all of these things are things I need to do to “get by.” They’re short term goals that are going to get me through my next class period, or get me through the next rehearsal. And yes, eventually getting through my classes and my shows will set me up to achieve the next step in my plan, but it’s basically like doing the bottom line. I’m not achieving anything.

What I’ve realized is that people get lost in the short term. We spend so much time thinking about a single day or week of class, work, and homework that we forget to think about the things are going to develop us as individuals and as leaders.

I’ve realized that I have all of these seemingly grandiose goals and I receive all of these incredible opportunities, but I am floating my way through a regiment of objectives and I’m not actually focusing on my work or really learning from my experiences. I’m drowning in my short term goals, and I’ve developed a type of tunnel vision for simply “getting by” until I have the free time to focus on what really counts for my future. But the thing is: the free time never comes and I never really focus.

I could go on for paragraphs about the things I wish I was doing but am not – school and theatre have had a tendency to control my life since high school. But what I am realizing is that I can’t let that be an excuse anymore. I need to focus on the things that are really going to prepare me for my future. Graduating is a goal, as is doing well in my classes, but simply graduating does not develop or prepare me in the necessary fashion.

If I want to make it to Cirque du Soleil, I need to be great at what I do: I need to be a great stage manager. But to do that, I can’t just “get by.” I need to focus on the things that will set me apart: the Roberts Fellows, my thesis and trip to Spain, and my passion for philanthropy in my work. I need to create the time enhance these aspects in collaboration with my work in the theatre. My class work, as hard as it is for me to say it, is almost secondary.

I can’t have blinders on. Yes, I need to focus on finishing this semester, and the upcoming semesters. But I need to adjust my priorities. I need to prepare for Asia, for Spain, for my internship and my research, and for my thesis just as much, if not more, than I need to achieve perfection in my class work. These are the things that get pushed to the side because of the little things that I need to complete. I plan to focus better in the coming months so that I can actually complete what needs to be completed and get the most out of the time I have left with the Roberts Fellows and the time I have left at SVSU.

I may not know exactly where I want to end up or where my path will take me, but I know the major goals that I want to achieve – I know what will make me happy – And I can use those goals, and the steps that get me there, in order to outline the rest of my life that may be less certain.

My new plan for the future: no tunnel vision; no blinders.